Fixing My Soul

פוסט זה זמין גם ב: אנגלית סינית Czech פינית צרפתית גרמנית איטלקית יפנית נורווגית פורטוגזית פורטוגזית רומנית רוסית ספרדית שוודית

when you love someone, you can talk about the beginning or about the end.when you love someone a little you talk about the beginning. when you love someone alot you talk about the end.

let me tell you something very deep.

there are certain things in life which I better forget.
but thats before i fix my self
because after i fix my self,
I look back and I realize that even all my mistakes, and all I did wrong, was all a part of my fixing.
imagine , one tells you i made tshuva and i forgot all I ever did wrong. its also not good. or Imagine, someone hurt my feelings and I forgive him and forgotten, that’s because we are still in the middle but on the level of the end I will never forget…
O.k obviously. and it has millions of meanings.
but I would like to say, when you stand before Hashem, really stand before hashem you remember everything which you forgot which you need to remember.
all the things which you needed to forget until you get to Hashem when you really stand before him you remember. nothing can be forgotten. it happened to me or it happened to the world. how can it be forgotten?
Yosef has 2 sons. Efraim & Menashe.
Menashe comes from the “ki nashani” , g-d gave me strength to forget.
Efrayim comes from “ki hifrani…beretz onyi”, g-d gave me strength to become more and more, even if takes a lot of pain.
so yacov comes to bless them, and yosef tells them,
menashe stand on the right hand of Yaakov and efrayim on the left.
so yacov says its o.k. the order of their standing. but then he crosses his hands. he could have told them to stand in a different order.
Yaakov avinu does not say I put my right hand on Efraim despite that menashe is Efrayim I put my right hand on him because Menashe is Efrayim.
so menashe, he is the first born. so forgetting is the first step. first you have to forget all you did wrong. and Yaakov avinu says I’m not denying that forgetting is the first step.
Before Yaakov avinu passed away he connected us to the end. he taught us that on the level of the end you are not permitted to forget anything. its true in the beginning menashe is very important. its important to forget. but at the end please don’t forget anything.
But know , if you remember it before you forget its bad too. but then you have to remember it on the level of efrayim. it’s a different kind of remembering. first you gotta forget to forget , otherwise you can’t keep on living. on the other hand how can you forget? you are not permitted to forget.
but the answer is like this, on the level of beginning forget it, on the level of the end – don’t forget anything. nothing, nothing, nothing….
A person might say, I did so much wrong in my life.
some time you meet someone, you love them so much so you tell them everything you ever did wrong. I’m not knocking it, it’s also good. sometimes you meet someone you love them so much, you tell them also every thing you did wrong, [but it’s not the primary thing].
so the answer is like this, when you love someone on the level of beginning, just tell them what you did good in your life, better forget the bad.
but when I love someone so much that I’m connected to them on the level of the end, can’t forget anything.
and you know friends, on a very high level, you think mistakes are so bad?
Imagine there would be no mistakes in the world?
the Gemara says “ein adam omed al divrei Torah ela im nichshal bahem”.
Imagine , I met this girl in the subway. and I make myself strong I walk up to her, what's
your name? what’s your phone number? and she tells me 5869208. the next day I call her, we meet for coffee. a week later we get engaged. great, nice but it doesn’t turn me on.
or I get off and I think I remember the number correctly. the next day I call her. wrong number. and I don’t remember if it’s 586 or 865. so for days and nights I try a million different combinations. and nothing is right. finally, I give up. but one day by mistake i dial a number and she is on the phone. it’s a different kind of love.
There are two levels of knowing. There is the level of knowing the beginning. if you are a genius you learn it fast if not you learn it slower. maybe for the beginning knowing it’s better to be a genius.
The Tora of the end, the deepest depth of the end, what takes so long in the world? because we didn’t make enough mistakes. because it’s crazy. we have a strange feeling we are getting closer to mashiach. and we do see more people doing more good, but we also see more and more people making more mistakes. but, Gevald what a teaching. we look around and we so many mistakes. obviously we are learning. tremendis learning.
Imagine this boy who dialed the number a million times, if he forgets all these times under the chupa or in their lifetime together. Heartbreaking…
this is how he got to her, through all the mistaken dialing. and the more wrong dialing the more I have no right to forget even one dialing.
there are the fathers and the children. the fathers are always on the level of beginning.
The children on the level of the end. think of my baby , I’m her beginning and she is my end.
at this point she is the end for her self, but when she will have children she will be their beginning and they will be her end.
Avrom, Yizchak and Yacov are always on the level of the beginning.
the first one who had a relationship on the level of end is Ya’akov avinu who had 12 children. but it was not so strong yet. the all thing he went through until he knew that Yosef is alive. it’s too deep to go into right now. Finally the last minute before Yaakov Avinu past away, he connects his children to the end. and he calls his children and he tells them, please get together and I shall tell you what is going to happen in the end of days.
Basically we meet two kinds of good people. The beginning people who are wiped out because they made a mistake, and the ending people who never forget one mistake they made. What a teaching….
let me tell you, there is level to learn how to do right. but then there is something much deeper than that. The level of the end is not about right or wrong. its much deeper than that.
when eve ate from the forbidden tree because she thought that way she will know what is right and what is wrong, G-D told her you will have trouble having children. the relationship with children is not on the level of right and wrong . it’s on the level of ‘acharit hayamim’ (the end of days). because my baby is my connection to mashiach. the qustion is not about right and wrong. it’s much deeper than that.
The question is , ultimately are you fixing your soul? this is ultimately what we have to do in this world.
this is a very strong story to remember , the helige reb dovid leikis wanted to be for yom kipur by the holy baal shem tov, he was rushing like mad and all kinds of things happened. a wheel broke than the horse fell, finally he is one hour away from Mezebush. sudenlly he sees nine people standing and they are begging him , we need one more man for a minyan .
he tells them you are crazy, i’ve been in the roads fror weeks to get to the baal shem for yom kippur, now you want me to stay here…
he comes to the baal shem, the the baal shem won't shake his hand. so he thinks the all time what sin he hasen’t repented for/ and he mamesh cries like crazy the all yom kippur.
after yom kippur it’s already shmini atzeret. the all time the baal shem didn’t speak to him,
finally he breaks down and he asks the baal shem , what is it? what did I do wrong?
So the baal shem tells him, remember those people on the highway?… do you know that you only came to the world to daven with them?
On the level of right and wrong maybe he was right , but on the level of mashiach…
The ultimate fixing of the world..
you know, sometime two people are fighting or arguing, so one says I’m right, so the other one says maybe you are right, but when mashiach comes he won’t talk to you. because mashiach is not interested in people who are doing right. because if they are anyway doing right than mashiach doesn’t have to come. because everything is fine. they are doing right.
alot of people are not waiting for mashiach because they think they are so holly. they are not missing anything. right?
Now listen to this, Yacov avinu is asking yosef, please don’t bury me in Egypt bury me in the holy land. He says, if I find grace in your eyes bury me in the holy land.
Let me ask you a silly question, is there any law where we have to be buried?
on the level of right and wrong its meaning less where a person is buried.
When G-D spoke to us on mount Sinai he did not say there is a law of where to be buried.
you are dead, so you are dead.
oh, but on mashiach level…
The midrash says our mother Rachel was buried by the border, so Yosef is a little angry at Yaakov and he tells him, you want me to bring your body all the way from Egypt to Israel, but you couldn’t bring my mother a few more steps to Hebron.
Now’ listen to this deepest depth. so according to this midrash, Yaakov avinu is telling him, mother rachel is buried by the border because she is the one in charge to bring our children back to Israel. Rochel is always silent, but when she begins to cry, g-d can’t bare her tears.
So Yaakov says to Yosef, I want you to know, that’s why your mother had to be buried by the border.
Imagine I was in a greek iceland, and i met a girl I love the most, i want so much to go back there. is it because it’s right? does it have anything to do with right or wrong? It’s on the level of chen(grace). Because this iceland means so much to me.
You know what it means to find chen in someone elses eyes? it means to have the privilige to be important to someone. alot of people are very beautiful but they have no chen. so you look at them , they are beautiful , you say hello and goodby. and you move on. some people have HEN. you think children are just beautiful to their parents? They have HEN. They have the holiness. it’s a g-d gift. You know last night my dari kept me up till 3:30 a.m. at 6:30 my neshamale woke me up and said : ”Dady, can you come be with me?”
anyone else who would have woken me up, I would say leave me alone, but not only I got up, I got up with so much joy.
Because you know, people who G-D forbid have no children, what would they give to be woken up like that? they’d give million’s of life times.
Would you tell me this is on the level of right or wrong?
listen to this. I want you to know the deepest depth.
when will Yaakov meet Rochel again? they will meet again when mashiach comes.
this is mamesh the deepest depth. there is no where in the all Tora (bible),that someone loved his wife, accept Yaakov who loved Rochel. “Vayeehav Yaakov et Rochel”.
The highest fixing between husband and wife ever was between Yaakov & Rachel.
Because obviously Adam & Eve didn’t make it. It’s true G-D created them, they were the first people in the world, and they had the greatest revelations in the world. but obviously it takes more than high revelations. so even though they had two children they weren’t in love with each other. the zohar hakodesh says, if adam and eve were in love with each other than habel and kayin wouldn’t have happened.
listen to this deepest depth.
Yaakov and Rochel were the first couple who made it. so when the Tchiyat Hametim (resurrection) will happen, when Mashiach is coming,
Yaakov wants to be buried in hebron. close to bethlehem. because he wants to be buried close to where rochel is buried. because from Hebron to Bethlehem is two minutes.
Now , let me ask you, when mashiach comes, how far is it going to be from Egypt to Hebron, also not so far. because the all world will be one. but it will be two minutes later.
So Yaakov says to his son, please bury me in the holy land because I don’t want to miss those two minutes. sometimes there are two minutes in the future and two minutes in the past, which is my all life. sometimes two minutes are so essential. what wouldn’t I do for those two minutes? maybe even one minute.
This is mashiach tora. not mount Sinai tora. Mount Sinai tora is about right and wrong.
Let me tell you the deepest depth.
You know what Yaakov avinu did. until yaakov avinu passed away, the holy land belonged to us because G-D gave it to us. You know what that means, if he gave it to us than we deserve it. If G-D gave it to me than it’s right. it belongs to me. on the level of right and wrong it’s my possession.
Do You know what happened when Yaakov said to Yosef to bury him in the holy land? He gave us the holy land on the level of Hen. not because it’s right, just because I’ve got to be there.
You know, I can have 15 houses, and they all belong to me. but it doesn’t mean they are important to me. so they belong to me, so what? mazal tov. Hen is something else. you know what Yaciov avinu did? he gave this special gift to Yosef.
Yosef’s hazadik’s holiness is that everything is so precious. His all life was dedicated to not doing wrong. So Yaakov Avinu blesses him before he passed away, I want to give you a gift you don’t have yet. and In fact don’t underestimate. you know what it means a person who never did wrong in his life? you know how holy that is? He has every thing. But Yaakov avinu tells him I want to give you a gift you don’t have yet. I want to give you the holy land on the level of HEN. You know what the holy land means to me? I got to be buried there. I got to get there sometime.
I want you to know what the deepest depth of life is.
the deepest depth of life is , on the level of the end, so deep, so deep.
you know what a father is giving over to his children before he leaves the world?
you think we are teaching our children how to do right and how not to do wrong?
thats good enough for a Bar Mitzva speech. BEFORE A FATHER LEAVES THE WORLD HE CONNECTS THEM TO THE END OF DAYS. mamesh you connect them to the end, to the end of days. mamesh you give them this holiness of give them over the deepest kind of connection.
The levels of shabbes.
I want you to know that shabbes has two levels. there is the holiness of shabbes which is in the level of finite. this is what I’m permitted to do and this is what I’m forbidden to do. and then there is the level of Yaakov Avinu. Yaakov Avinu says: ‘Nachat bli mzo’.
I want to tell you something way out. everybody knows it says ‘ veahavta et hashem elokecha, bechol levavcha, bechol nafshecha u’bchol meodecha’. love your g–d with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind. but mind is a very poor translation. the gemora says ‘with all that you have’. you know sweetest friends, it is possible to love hahsem with all your heart and soul but still G-D doesn’t belong to you. and I don’t belong to G-D. I can die for the land two million times a second and still the land doesn’t belong to me. may be legally it does, but not on that level of Yaakov Avinu.
Because everybody knows: bechol levavcha is Avraham, bechol Nafshecha is Yizchak, Ubchol meodecha is know what it means that something belongs to me ? it means that it means so much to me. that is the level of Yaakov Avinu. you see, this table might be mine but if its not important to me , it doesn’t really belong to me. yiddishkeit doesn’t really belong to me.
On the level of wrong and right it’s mine. but not on the level of Hen. Not on the level of yaakov avinu.
The level which Yaakov revealed to his son Yosef before he left the world, is the level that the holy land belongs to us. that has to be the level.
you know what that means? if the land belongs to me legally, than I can be buried in Egypt.
when the tchiyat hametim will come I’ll get up from my grave and take the first flight to Israel. but if the land belongs to me on the level of Hen then I got to be buried there. now, listen to the deepest depth.
I want you to know something really holy, beautiful and deep.
Yaakov avinu is about the third holy temple.
the first temple was because of avraham, it was very holy but it was destroyed. the second one – yizchak, it was very holy but it was also destroyed. and the third holy temple will be Yaakov. it means Yaakov avinu does not have a house yet. why doesn’t he have a house yet? because him and rachel were never in the holy land together yet. they were only together outside of Israel. they are waiting for mashiach.
I’ve seen married couples, they get married they have a few rubles they buy a house so the house belongs to them. but it only belongs to them on the level of right and wrong.
I’ve been to homes of couples they live in a little bungalow , but it is mamesh their house, on the level of HEN. when you walk into that house it is so holy , so special.
I want to share with you something so special.
according to halacha , if I lose an object and I can’t find it, there is a very strong possibility it stops belonging to me. because I can’t find it anyway. an ownership which can’t be found loses it’s owners. but that is only on the level of right and wrong. but imagine if something is so precious to me, so mamesh I will go to the end of the world until I find it.
So when Yaakov avinu wants to tell his children of the coming of mashiach, the shchina desappeared, it was so dark. so yaakov avinu told them you know what kind of a house i will build for my children when the mashiach will come. i will not build it out of light , i will build it out of darkness. but you know what kind of light will be there.
Tchiyat hametim
what’s the all idea of people getting up again, when they are dead? you know who will get up from the cemetery again? the people for whom light was on the level of HEN. those who the existence of light was so important to them, so precious.
If I’m alive on the level that I have a right to live and no one has the right to kill me. so I die, I’m dead. but if I lived on the level of Hen, on this deepest deepest depth of life, then I have to come back.
This is the level of mashiach ben Yosef.

Two mashiach’s:
everybody knows there are two mashiach’s. Mashiach ben Yosef and Masiach ben david.
you know what mashiach ben yosef is doing for us? mashiach ben yosef is awakening us this utmost holiness that israel doesn’t belong to us on the level of right and wrong. It’s on the level of HEN. Israel means so much to me. and G-D means so much to me. and yiddishkeit means so much to me. and we now understand that it is deeper then Yizchak being ready to die for for G-D a million times. It’s deeper than that.
Imagine I have one life , it’s finite, and I’m ready to give it to G-D. this is finite level of serving hahsem. one time and that’s it. finite.
Yaakov avinu level is not about to live for G-D or die for G-D. Yaakov avinu is nachat bli mzo. life is infinite in my heart.
Then comes Yehuda. yehuda is even deeper than that. I don’t even know what it is. if I would know how deep it is mashiach would come. but obviously it’s even deeper than that.
Obviously to Yehuda, G-D means so much, and even more than that.
Because yehuda is the only one that has G-d’s name in his name. Him and G-D are absolutely one. which is a ‘Gevald’. this is obviously the level of Lea.Lea is on the level of alme deitkasya (עלמא דאיתכסיא) the hidden world which we can not comprehend even. mamesh being one with G-D. so I just want to share with you the two levels a person has to go through. first has to be mashiach ben yosef than it’s mamesh one.
between people also. sometimes you meet someone, you love them so much, they are so precious. but then you meet someone, you are totally one with them. even deeper than that.
after mashiach will come we will do right. because how can you do wrong in a mashiach world? you see, there is a difference between not hurting someones feelings because it’s wrong or because I just love them so much so I can’t hurt them. if I don’t love someone, or I love them a little i don’t hurt because it’s wrong. If I’m a low person I don’t kill because it’s forbidden. and if I’m the highest how can I kill? even with my words?
I’ll tell you something very strong. It doesn’t say in the topra not to kill a cockroach. so on the right and wrong level i could kill it. but if I don’t kill because I can’t….
I want to tell you a ropshitzer story. a person came to the ropshitzer and said to him: I have mice at home and that much food in the house,and the mice eat up all our food. i just don’t know what to do.?
so the ropshitzer answered him: you know where the hole which the mice is coming from?
he said, I’ll make a deal with you, under one condition , that you’ll give the mice free passage. I’ll tell you what to do. you come home and you bend to the hole, and you say naftali ben ester is begging you to leave the house. the ropshitzers name was naftali. so imagine how holy his name was, that the mice knew his name. so he told him when the mice are leaving I want you to sit with your family by the table, open the door and let them leave. so the yidalle came home and told the mice , set by the table with his family , like the rebbe told him. and he saw the all family of the mice leave, one by one.
Obviously the if ropshitzer had so much power, he could knock out some mice. but if you are on that level how can you kill even mice?
somebody once asked me, lets get realistic, where does it say you shouldn’t kill mice or a cockroach? I said to him there is deeper than right and wrong. after you did it , do you really feel like sitting down to learn or daven?
can you really stand before the mirror and say; I just did something so holy? tell .I just killed a thousand mice, I’m so proud of myself, now I can really stand before G-D.
Hen it belongs to me but it is still not a part of me. there is even deeper than HEN.
there is making a covenant with a person but then there are moments which are higher than a covenant.
the portions of brachos
there are two major portions of brachos. Yizchak blessing Yaakov and yaakov blessing his sons. I want you to know the difference. yitzchak blessing Yaakov to be a vessel to receive G-D’s blessing. G-D should give me the dew of heaven. Yaakov is not just blessing them to be a vessel. He blesses him to be that the way they receive g-d’s blessing , it should be so special to them. I can be a vessel for g-d’s blessing , so i have it , so what? so mazal tov.
I mean , i wish we would first be vessels.
but yaakov the way he connects him self and us to the acharit hayamim, its i realize,I gotta be more than being a vessel.
I’m a genius, so I’m a vessel for learning .
connecting bereshis to shmot
veele Shmot
the midrash says, al shem geulatam. meaning the names are talking already about the redemption, so I want to tell you this. strange, right? all the time that Yaakov named the twelve tribes, we thought he named them because of the beginning.
when a baby is born you give a name, a strong name so that he will know what to do in life.
suddenly after Yacov’s blessing they realized. a name is not the one that indicates about the beginning, a name is what connects me to the end.
It says part of our holiness is because we never changed our names. you know what that means? How come we had the strength not to change our names? because the names mamesh connected us to our ultimate redemption, to the end.
you know how deep this is? most people think a name is just something for people to call me. O.k thats a low level. some people think a name is what connects my body to my soul. thats a higher level, but then there is the highest level, my name is my ultimate fixing. connects me to mashiach.
you can mamesh know how much someone loves you by the way they call your name.
someone asked me how did it feel when your daughter called you first time daddy?
so I answered that the only sound which can sound sweeter to me is the sound of the trumpet of the mashiach.
because when my baby calls me daddy it mamesh fixes my soul.
when children say , even something so simple as , father, mother give me some serial, they remind them of the end. that mashiach is on his way. that mashiach is coming.
when we call someone by his name we remind them that there is the end, that mashiach is coming. we fix their soul. not only we give them strength.
by the way we call ones name we can give them strength to fix their soul till mashiach is coming.
I want to tell you something about exile.
there are two kinds of exiles. there is an exile that you are disconnected from your beginning, and there is an exile that you are disconnected from your end. the exile of Egypt was disconnecting us from the beginning. therefor yosef hazadik is basically the one who connects you to the beginning. yosef hazadik died and stayed in Egypt until Moses got him out, when we left Egypt.
After we were driven out of Israel , it was disconnecting us from the end. and maybe the second time we were driven out is also disconnecting us from our ultimate fixing.mamesh don’t forget anything. we are mamesh disconnected. not for real, just a little bit….
you can be connected to the beginning and still hate somebody. If you are connected to the end you can’t hate anybody. if you are connected to this ultimate fixing.
Yehuda is the utmost fixing. and the holy temple is connected to Yehuda. so in the holy temple if there is a little bit of hatred , it just doesn’t last. Yehuda is the utmost fixing.
let me put it this way. our beginning is Avrom, Yizchak and Yaakov. but really our highest beginning is mount sinai. we went through Egypt, through exile in order to get ready for mount sinai which is really our beginning. right now we are in exile not because of mount sinai we are in exile mamesh to bring mashiach.
I want to share with you a torale from reb avremale eiger. “v’et Yehuda shalach lefanav goshna…” when Yaakov went down to egypt he sent Yehuda first to establish a yashiva.
so obviously, Yehuda, who is the ultimate fixing, he went down first to pave the way till mashiach is coming.
Bless me and I bless you back, we should be privileged to learn really live things. this kind of learning which connects us to the end. that kind of leaning which is deeper than the right and wrong learning. Who cares about right and wrong? naturally we shouldn’t do wrong.
In kindergarden you talk to them on the level of do this and don’t do that. but after a certain level you better do it. and if mashiach isn’t coming than it takes more than that. i want to tell you sopmething very deep.
It says: “histakel beorayta ubara alma”. how did G-D create the world?
the midrash says , like an engineer has to look at his plan. so what was G-D’s plan which he looked at. G-D looked in the Tora and he created the world.
let me ask you, when Mashiach is coming there will a new world, right? where will G-D look Then? humanly speaking, G-D will close his eyes and bring Mashiach. see where I’m looking? even deeper than that. It will be so high that even G-d won't be able to keep his eyes open.
I just want to tell you one more thing. when you love somebody on the level of beginning you look at them. when you kiss somebody automaticly you close your eyes. this is on the level of mashiach. if you kiss somebody it means I want to connected to you on the level of mashiachs coming. therefor I want to tell you when yaakov kissed rachel, because yacov’s connection to rachel is so strong, so the gemora says that he kissed her because he realized she won’t be buried next to him. because like we said before, he did not come to Israel with her, and he will only meet her on the level of Israel when mashiach is coming. that kiss symbolizes that their connection is on the level of the end. why isn’t she buried next to him? because there will be an exile and she needs to be buried on the border , to bring her children back. so he was kissing her in order to be connected to her on the level of mashiach. therefore when you say goodbye to someone, you kiss them, in the middle you don’t kiss. only in the beginning or at the end. the end is even stronger. it is mamesh to be connected on the level of mashiach.
I mamesh want to bless us all to be connected on the level of the end. we should be privileged to have people who call us by our names and connect us to the the end.
my wife told me a strange thing. my wife and my baby went to toronto. to visit my in laws. so my inlaws have a neighbour, the door was open so my daughter walked in and saw a record of mine. so she picked it up and went home. because it’s her record, it’s her daddy so it’s her record. it’s the strongest way I can tell you what it means that it belongs to me. not because it’s right or wrong. so O/k , this person payed $4.95 for this record, so on the level of right and wrong its his. but how does that compare to the way it belongs to my baby?
you see, yaakov avinu is bechol meodecha. it belongs to me on the level of mashiach.
and I want you to know something else, as long as the holy land belongs to me on the level of right and wrong, I can be buried anywhere and I won’t be resorected there can not build the holy temple which will last for ever, there. teh one who will build the holy temple which will last forever is the one that G-D, the Tora and yiddishkeit belong to him on the Yaakov avinu level.

I want to tell you something else which is deepest depth.
parents don’t belong to children and children don’t belong to parents. on a legal level, no. you know on what level we belong to each other? on the level of Yaakov avinu. it’s mamesh the deepest depth.
you think we belong to G-D or G-D belongs to us on the right and wrong level?
G-D created us so mazal tov, great. Thank you very much. but on the level of yaakov avinu.

One thought on “Fixing My Soul

  • 3 בפברואר 2013 at 14:30

    When I was in my early thirties we waethcd cancer take my MIL. Then it took a close friend. She was only 37. Then when we moved 5 young women in our town passed in a matter of months of each other because of cancer. My in-laws best friends lost both of their children to cancer too. Death is such a reality in our world but it is also so taboo to discuss it. I think we would all like to live as long as your uncle, but I think we must keep in mind that that is not always up to us.We need to live our best life daily and hope that that is enough.


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