Relight your Inner Candle – Beha’alotcha

A lot of things are on the level of choice, then there are some things which we don’t have choice.They are the things which have to do with believing in god and with the holy essential things in our lives.

What kind of a parent are you? a husband? a wife?How strong is your yiddishkeit? What kind of a jew are you?

Do you have have a choice being a jew? Do you mean that you have to think every day if you go to church or to shul? That you have one foot here and one foot there? Or shabbes you are in shul and sunday you go to church? Doesn’t go this way.

I have choice what kind of a jew I should be. I dont have choice whether I should put on tefillin or not. But I do have choice how my davening will be. Do I daven like a mentch or I knock it off fast.

I dont have choice if I should keep shabbes or not. I dont have the choice to ask my to go to a none kosher restaurant friday night, one shabbes I want have a break from god, rest a little from god, miss shabbes a little, come back fresh to it next week (joking, laughing) but I do have the choice how my shabbes will look. The choice is what I do friday night, do I sit with my family and sing and learn or do I read the jewish press? Or I can gossip or talk evil about someone or I can do something holy.

When I talk about choice it could sound cute. The maimonides says the difference between a dog and a human is that we have choice. A dog doesn’t have a choice to be human but a human can behave like an animal.

So there is choice and there is none choice, what is my level of serving god? On what level do I choose to serve god?

Let’s assume I never kept shabbes in my life and I choose to keep shabbes. And every shabbes I struggle if I should keep my business open on shabbes. So for 2 years i’ve been keeping shabbes of choice. Then something happens to me inside and I don’t struggle anymore.

Imagine I live on the level of having choice to speak evil of someone, and I work like a dog not to speak evil, and I really want to stop speaking evil about people. So for two years I really work hard to do this, and suddenly something happens to me I don’t talk evil. I have no choice, evil speech just doesn’t come through me. Then I decide I want to even be higher , I decide I don’t want to talk at all about people, so I work really hard because I still have choice, but suddenly I become above choice, I just don’t have the need to talk about other people.

Let’s take another example, I’m eating something I love and my child or wife asks me for something, do I have the choice to hush them up saying i’m busy eating something I love, or do I jump out of my skin to make my child or wife happy. How low am I ? or how high am I? Or how high do I want to reach? What a privilege to do something for my child or wife. Each time my daughter asks me for something and I still want to tell her shut up, can’t you see im eating my special cake, I sadly enough still am on the level of choice, I work my way up and I jump out of my skin to get her a drink or do whatever she asked for.

So you might say I became a holy robot.

I have no choice but to be holly. How does that sound to you? Can’t be true. But I want you to know the deepest depth, that each time I bring something to someone on the level of none choice, god opens the gates to me, that suddenly I realize the wider range of choices, how many things I can do with this glass of water. I realize what kind of love I can give . How much chen (gracefulness) I can reach?! I reach a higher level of none choice god opens gates to me to a higher level of heavenly choice. A different kind of choice. Wider choice.

Two years I have choice to keep shabbes (Saturday)  or not. It is possible for me to stay in my store for shabbes or not. It is possible. I have choice to tell my wife I’m not coming home for the weekend I’m going to play golf. But Thank god, after some time I reach a level I don’t have anymore choice. So will you say that my keeping shabbes now is like a robot?? you know what happens to me? What kind of wider range of choices now I have of how to keep shabbes? Different choices…. Not just the golf or my business, it’s all the things that shabbes gives me.

On the level of choice I didn’t even know that shabbes can be so deep. I used to think that the all my choices about shabbes ended with deciding weather to keep my store open or not to keep it open.

And I struggled to keep my store closed.

So first I had the level of having choice. Then I reached the level of none choice.

The level of choice that god gives me after I’m serving him on the level of none choice, that is the revelation level.

This is so deep, so holy and so special, it is not revealed to people who serve god on the level of choice.

If I serve god on the level of having choice whether I should put on tefillin. Yes of course I know I need to put on tefillin, Burt only after I put on tefillin on the level of none choice, God revealed to me what I can do with it. What it means in my life.

Now I’m going back to the beginning, Everybody knows that there are two holy places in the world.

Yerushalayim the holy city and Mound Sinai. We also know that are two holy basic kinds of holiness.

We have the holiness of Moshe (Moses) and we have the holiness of our forefathers Abraham, Izick and Jacob.

What did I get from my father and mother and what did inherit from my forefathers?

Do I get from them the choice to be a jew? No! I get from my parents the holiness that I don’t have a choice. The holiness of our forefathers is whatever jewishness I have it’s beyond my choice.

Moshe rabennu is teaching how to be a jew. “Ubacharata bachayim”. Teaches me what to do and what not to do. So each time I reach a level of none choice I connect to my forefathers. It connects me to them.

We are living in a world people say they want their children to have choice. That misses the all point of parents roll. Parents are to give over what you are above choice. Our function as parents is to give over that holiness of none choice.

Do you think we teach our children when you see a poor man you should give him a dime. That they can learn in school.

If I’m a jewish father as I should be I give over to my children that when they see a poor man they have no choice. It bursts out of them to help the poor man. They have no choice because how can a child of Abraham Isaac and jacob pass by a poor man without helping him? Mamesh he/she can’t.

Shabbes – the laws of shabbes we learn in school but the inside and the none choice of shabbes that one has to get by their parents. So this is the holiness of our forefathers.

Now I would like to ask you to open your hearts like mad,

we usually say that god took us out of Egypt because since we were slaves we had no choice. So when god took us out of Egypt he gave us back our choice.

But the yishbitzer says its the opposite. He says a slave is a person who all his actions are out of choice.

There is nothing inside of it that has no choice. It has no soul. To be free means that there is something in my heart that has no choice. Deepest depth.

On Pesach god gives us back the holiness of Avram yitzchak and Jakob. The holiness of we have no choice. We are servants of god and we don’t have any choice about it. Because to serve god on the level of choice I could do it also as a slave.

You know my sweetest friends what it means to be in exile and what does it mean to be free?

To be in exile means that every thing I do for god I have to choose. To be free means I have no choice.

Do you know what an exile marriage is? It’s a marriage where the husband and wife have to choose each other everyday. Because my secretary is really nice and every day I have a choice if to stay with my wife or move to my secretary. What’s real marriage? So , ok before I was married I had choice.

What’s the all idea of a marriage. What do we need the all idea of marriage for? A man and woman could get together and that’s it. Why waste time and energy? What does it mean that god “Mezaveg Zivugim” (puts people together)?

God puts something inside of us that suddenly it becomes no choice. I love you so much that I have no choice.

You know what the problem is? Parents and children loving each other on the level of choice.

So at a certain age the children choose not to love the parents.

One girl told me one of her greatest ordeals in life is when she needs to visit her mother on mother’s day. Can imagine how much love there is there. Then she told me a miracle happened, her mother called it’s not a good time for her to visit her. What is missing there? The love beyond choice.

Who are the parents who kick out their children the minute they are 18. the choice parents. The all thing is off. Everything the Tora(bible) teaches is the other way .

What is the holiness of a house? I want you to open your hearts in the deepest depth. What is a house?

That you have one brick glued on top of another and that’s it , you cant move the house. You don’t have a choice. What is the “churban” (the destruction of the holy temple)?

We know that what is kdusha (holiness)?, ishbitzer says; “kdusha bekviut”, any holiness which is there to stay permanently is real holiness. The holiness of the house is that it can’t move. So the holiness of the relationship to children is that I don’t have any choice to love them or not. Can you imagine having a choice whether to give my life for my children 2000 times each second.

When my baby is crying do I have a choice not to run to her like crazy? I have no choice.

Its so deep. Its the deepest depth there is.

What is the difference between praying and learning? Learning means i’m learning by choice because I want to know. The none choice you don’t get by learning.

Everybody knows that ‘Tfila avot tiknum’, it means that prayer is given over by parents.

Which part of me is praying? That part which has no choice. Why is it that so many synagogues that pray I can’t even call it good poetry reading? Because their relationship to god is by choice.

Its not praying its not learning it’s a joke.

What is praying? If i’m so close to god I have no choice but to pray. This is what I got from my parents. Tfilos of what’s yerushalaim ir hakodesh is. now whats comes from your hearts, listen to this unbelievable thing, whatever Moshe Rabenu (Moses) gave me, it’s on the level of choice. When god gave us the torah he asked us. Why didn’t god ask avraham avinu(our forefather Abraham), do you like me to give you the holy land? Avraham says, you know, show me some pictures, you know? And then he makes a face, you the leadership fair they have a trip now to Israel mission, let me join then, you know? And i’ll be greeted by an official at the airport and I will look at the holy land see how it looks like and let’s put it this way

, the desert doesn’t turn me on, I like tel aviv, jerusalem, a few parts of it. God says, so abraham, do you want to take the land, so avraham says, let me talk about it with my wife Sarah.

When god spoke to us on mount sinai he gave us choice, why didn’t god give the land to moshe and then give it over to us, whats the hole idea of inheritance? Because I dont have choice, my father left it to me. So you’re right but it still belongs to you.

So I want to give over to you the deepest depths, everybody knows we’re learning it a lot of times, Reb Nachman says the holiness of the land is praying, why is yerushalayim the capital of the holy land, because the whole thing of the land of Israel is davening, and the essence of the whole thing is the temple. So what does it mean that the holy temple is destroyed, you know what that means? Sadly enough I am learning day and night, I’m full of choice. What’s going around the wold today, half the houses are falling apart, parents and children, husbands and wives. Friends, everything, whats going on there? There is nothing on the level of no choice, I want you to know the deepest depths. Believe me this is true, the strangest thing in the world, you know what is bringing back to yiddishkeit? The holy land, right? And whats the holy land doing to our people ? That we are waiting for the holy land because we have no choice. We have no other place. It gives us back the holiness of none choice. What happens to you when you stand by the holy wall? May be he will eat none kosher after he cried by the holy wall, it doesn’t mean the holy wall didn’t reach him, because it means that maybe the holy wall reached that part of him which has no choice. After a yyidale who stood by the holy wall may be he is still the lowest yidalle, but after that his place of none choice was touched and from now on he has no choice but to be connected. He is now connected on the place of none choice. Hopefully he will now be able to expend it to his choice place and become a little better.
Now I want u to know the deepest. When God took us out of Egypt he restored inside of bus that holiness of none choice. Then for seven weeks from pesach to shvuos we are bringing it down to choice. Everyday a little more choice. Then it says kafa alehem har kegigit, Basicly god said if you dont accept the tora Ill wipe you out. What does it mean in the deepest depth? God took away our choice but he promised us on mount sinai. The secret and the blessing of that is that if I choose to do something with my all heart so it becomes the holiness of none choice. It will get so deep into my bones that god promises if you will keep shabbes I will even hold the mountain for you. Suddenly it becomes so deep that I dont have choice any more because it becomes my new me.

When did god’s revelation begin? First god gave us the none choice of being the children of avbarm izick and jacob then he restored to choice of receiving the bible then god paved the way of choice because it reaches so deep. Only Then its gods revelation. Only after the all process is over. Remember we said first I have a choice to give my daughter a drink then it becomes that I dont have choice. But at that p[oint, gevald the gates that god open to me…. Unbelievable gates of revelation.

I want you to know something else very deep. When you love a persom by choice its sweet, but then it reaches a place of none choice, and then you know how sweet it becomes when you love them by none choice. So deep…. And so holy…

When you kiss someone you close your eyes. It means when I have to choose I have to keep my eyes open. When I close my eyes I tell that operson I want to love you beyond choice. It means I connect my self to you so much that I have no choice.

Why are children born with closed eyes? Because they are born with holiness of none choice. The holiness of a baby is the holiness of none choice. So deep and so holy…

One more thing, The ishbitzer says what is the difference between being free and being a slave?

To be a slave means I didn’t do it with my all heart. To be free means I’m doing it none stop. I run to it, I can’t live without it.

Take a jew who lives like a jew by choice. Why are some people so afraid their child will be too frum or too Jewish? Why aren’t they worried their son will be too rich? Because money they love on the level of none choice so they don’t hold back. But holy things are on the level of choice so I hold back. I don’t run to it. When you are connected to something on the level of none choice you dont hold back on your doing it. You do it with enthusiasm.

If you love learning on the level of none choice you can’t stop learning. If it’s by choice you learn a little you have enough. You will have gan eden (heaven) but it’s not the highest.

This generation is really strange. it’s all by choice/ they are married by choice, children by choice, yidden by choice. Everything that is important in life is by holding back. Half halfheartedly and half dead. The fixing of our generation is what we have to do the most is get back to doing none stop and none choice.

Davening by choice

There is a Commandment to study day and night. (vehagita bo yomam velayla) . And king david says; ‘veani tefilati,’ not that I pray, but I am the prayer. I am my prayer. What is real holiness of prayer? Some are praying three times a day and some don’t stop praying. Even in their sleep. Just can’t stop praying.

Non stop. Now I want to tell you something even deeper. What makes me choose something? If I know its the truth then I choose it. There is emet (truth) and there is emunah (faith – believing).

Believing doesn’t come on the foundation of I cant figure something out so I choose believing. Believing is a deeper kind of knowledge, to believe in something is the highest soul knowledge. Its not My knowledge. Its not and one is two. To believe means it is so clear to me. If someone asks me if god is true, and I say I guess he is true. That’s sweet and cute but it doesn’t turn me on.

It says vayaminu bahashem, you know why I believe in god? Not because I can prove it.

I believe in god because I know its the truth on such a deep level. it’s the truth and I know it. It is much deeper then all this. Moses gave us torat emet. The bible of truth. Jacob – titen emet leyaakov.

Basically abraham izick and jacob is emuna shlema(pure complete believe)

the holy land is the land of truth. It says; ‘shchon eretz ure’e emuna’, it means Israel is the headquarters for believing. It means Israel is the deepest revelation there is. Its so clear, gevald is it clear?! Not because I figured it out and not because it is the truth. Its deeper then that. As much as the truth is a very high thing. It is deeper then all this. If something is clear to me on the level of truth then I choose it because its truth. but when something is so clear to me, absolutely clear to me then ii have no choice. Its so deep inside of me. If someone says to I want top marry you because its the truth, its cute but I wouldn’t give an onion for that. Because tomorrow they will see someone else and that will be the end of it.

If someone says I cant live without you, then I know it will be a marriage of none choice.

Pure belief

the ishbitzer says:

We are maminim bnei maminim. Means we believe and we are children of people who believe.

Do you know what our forefathers gave us over? They gave us over this absolute clearness.

beha’alotcha

aron the high priest would kindle the lights. Do you know what the greatest light is?

The greatest light a person can reach is that it is so deep inside of me. The essence of life is sitting inside of me. The greatest light is the light I don’t even have o look at it. I don’t even see it.

Its mamesh shining into me. The holy temple is the place where the light isd so graet. Real light.

Its a high level to keep the tora, its a very high level to be a servant of god – vayikra.

The book of bamidbar ( the 4th book of the five bible books) is something else.

This portion is deeper then all the knowledge of the world. You think korach on a knowledge level wasn’t as good as Moses. But he wasn’t Moses. Aharon and miriam are talking about moshe , On the level of truth maybe its true but on the level of emunah it’s something else, this great light.

I can ask you what is the difference between this apple and that apple, or this child and that child, or this woman and that woman?

On the level of truth may they are twins, look the same talk the same, think the same. But on the level of light something else.

Reb leibale eiger says

balotcha et hanerot – why doesn’t it say as a commandment for Aharon (the high priest) to light the candles but it says ‘when you light the candles’ it will happen. The explanation of this is that you can not tell a person ok, now light your candle. You can tell a person study to know the truth. How can I tell a person to have this kind of belief if its not by choice? I can only bless you it should happen to you;‘behaalotcha’.

I want you to know the deepest depth, Friday night why are we blessing our children? If we want to teach our children read a book to them or turn on a movie or talk to them, instead we bless them to know about god. isn’t that ridicules? Also it doesn’t say anywhere to bless your children, it doesn’t even tell the holy priest Aharon to bless us, it says if you will bless them it will happen.

So what happens to my child when I bless them, I’m giving them over this great light. And when I bless them I don’t look at them and they don’t look at me, we close our eyes and I give them over this great light. it’s the highest there is. So so deep.

Do you know what it means to do ‘Tshuvah’? Can you imagine if by choice I wasn’t keeping shabbes but beyond choice I was wanting to keep shabbes, there are so many thing that on the level of choice I’m not doing them but on the level of none choice I want so much to do them. There are so many husbands and wives who on the level of choice don’t make each other happy but on the level of none choice want so much to make each other happy. On the choice and truth level their marriage is destroyed, mamesh destroyed but on the level of emunah(belief)….

So we all know that Aharon the priest is the great fixer , He takes to part of none choice by you and makes it so strong that it connects to your choice. Because this is what happens to you in the holy temple, I come before god and I say I’m sorry, I wanted so much not to sin but I hjad no choice , I couldn’t help it. And obvioiusly your coming before god means inside you are crying, that beyond choice you are connected. Because other wise , if you chose not to keep shabbes, or to yell at your wife or children, what are you crying about now? But your crying is beyond choice, and its the sign how much you really want it and how much you connected beyond choice. But god knows that on the level of none choice I want to be holy just on the level of choice I cant help it I fall again and again.

So aharon hacohen and the blesing on the deepest depth, what im giving over to my baby is none choice, but when I bless them on shabbes im giving them over that the none choice should be so strong that it should reach their choice level. Especially this shabbes. And I can not tell you how to do it. Its on the level of miracle. It just happens Because ‘Tshuvah kadma laolam’(repentance came before the world was created). Just as I don’t know much about the creation I cant know about how that light shines on it just does.

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